you will always learn from life after living it

I often go back to a specific memory of my teenage years.

I was in love with this girl, I went to her parent’s holidays house in august. It was in Ostuni, Puglia, Italy.

I was 18-21/yo don’t remember the age. Yet I was inexperienced in any kind of relationship, love or not.
I loved her at that time, and I remember once we had to go to a birthday of a cousin.

I was ok with it, but didn’t know what to expect.
I dressed up the best I could and we went to this birthday. I didn’t knew a single person aside from my girlfriend of that time.

I didn’t know how to act with these people. I was a introverd, quite nerd, focused on japanese Anime and Manga and they seemed different.

To make it more difficult there’s the story of his cousin.
He lost his soon to be wife couple of years ago. She died while driving to get back to him to take him home.
He then started following a religious cult in italy, who knows if it was because of the death. 
Surely it must have been part of the reasons behind it.

That story made me struggle even more.
I don’t have precise memories of that day, although even retaining it is a big success for me, but looking back now I would act differently.

Maybe I’d be less fearful of the situation and enjoy it a little bit more.

Maybe I’d choose to stay by myself and live happily with the fact that we’re not all the same, who knows.

The thing is: you learn after living.
The first time you face a new situation you’re lost, you improvise and often improvise badly. But then you learn, you start understanding the rules of the game, what matters, what doesn’t.
You start understanding that afterall people don’t care about you, and even if they do, they often close an eye for it.

It’s not important to have a specific behaviour unless you’re an idiot.
What’s important is to live, be there, go with the flow be authentic and not being drowned by the fears.

That is enough to make a good impression. You might not shine, but you won’t suck either.
And I couldn’t learn this without going through it because I would then try to fake my authenticy, I would try to conform into the rules, to merge myself into the background.

We are part of the painting, and whatever we do, as long as it’s sound, will be part of the painting in a coherent way.

power and status

We often think that power is a result of the status you have.

So if you’re the boss, then you always have power over people.

While this may sound true there’s a glitch. Power is defined by the amount of control you have over other people’s lives. It’s not defined by your status.

In fact your status might not be related at all with it.

when you cry

Today I cried, and last time was long ago. I cried and didn’t held the tears.

It was good, it was bittersweet and it was a relief.

I realized that sometimes when I write I write to impress people. Because I know my writing has an effect.
But this time I wrote to convey a feeling, to send my message across the paper.

It was different, and at first I didn’t know what to do because I felt the writing was something else. I was worried that by straying out of the main road something worse might come out, but it didn’t.

It was worth it.

the tastes from the old days

Today I ate some pine beans (dunno if that’s the correct name, in italy we call them “Pinoli”, it’s the fruit of the pine, the seed thanks to which new pines grow).

They are delicious to me, and they remind me of that time when me and my granpa went to the school garden searching for the pines fruit.

It was great.

But while I was eating it I noticed that it’s quite a complex flavour, something one might not be accustomed to.
And if you think about it that’s the main problem when you eat something that’s not belonging to your home world.

The first time I drank miso-soup I hate it. It was disgusting.

Now I love miso soup and the reason why is that I started understanding the flavour and getting accustomed to all the nuances that are in it.
The point is: the world is full of flavours and tastes. Each unique, each special. What we think might be “bad” is something we’re not accustomed to.

Get accustomed, accept its flavour as part of your personal scale of flavours, and you’ll start loving it.

it’s in how you react

There are so many ways to react to a super-bad news you can’t count them.

But it’s what you do with your life after it that makes the difference.

Will it build up a good part of your character? Will it step up your game or will you feel defeated?

Your life might entirely change based on one event, but what will make the difference is you.

the strongest of all

The strongest of all isn’t the biggest, nor is the one that makes more noise.

His/Her power resides in the way he thinks and acts.

The strongest of all is happy for others if they are happy, and looks at them with respect when they succeed in the small things.

He doesn’t compare, because he knows that we all come from a different story. 
The strongest of all won’t win a punch battle, but will surely know what hurts the most, because he’s been hurt.

The strongest of all won’t deny his dreams, and at the same time will recognize his limits, knowing the boundaries between dreaming and lazyness, between hoping and cowardry.

The strongest is not the wisest, yet he knows things. He has experience and has empathy to share and teach. He’s not the best, yet he’s better than you.

He’s not something you can become in one life, but you can try.

The strongest is the part you are not freeing, the part that’s hiding, the part you fear.
Not because of its power, but because of the price you’d have to pay.

Because everything has a price, even being the strongest, and we might not be ready to pay its toll yet.

confront with the different ones

If you have an idea is ok, but if you compare it with other ideas you might even improve it.

I was talking with a collegue today and he said these words: “if 3 people with different views think about it is better” and he was damn right.

Confronting with different point of views allows you to go for the best route, to search for the non-ego solution, this obviously only if the people involved don’t fall in the ego-trap.

But if they’re smart and they don’t fall for it, then you might as well have a chance.

july 2017 monthly checkup

What was this july? I’d say HOT ūüėÄ but mostly because here in italy it really was.

Aside from this it was a great month when my writing flow went well. I bought a small tablet to write from the bad, which makes it easier for me.

Here some of the post I loved writing

the courage to live your life

I was at a friend wedding last saturday.
It was a hot sunny day and there were lots of guests at the wedding.

It wasn’t deadly hot like it is today, but the sun was still doing its job at making us sweating.

The friends of the bride & groom are a big, enormous, group of friends. All tied together by the same small city they live in, by the same history.

They played together, they all stayed together, when they were young.

I knew few of them, they’re all nice people.
And in this group, now with moms & babies, there was once a couple that after staying together for something like 10 years, after all that they decided to break up.

I suppose it wasn’t easy, I suppose it did take time. But here they were at the same wedding, both with their new partner.One of the old couple partnered with another person of the big group.
The other found a partner outside it.

I thought how hard it must’ve been to handle all this, to reach this point of  calm when everything is fine. To live your own life.
And in this, you must have a lot of courage, because the road you once walked is now lost and to live your own life you have to go into a new unpaved road, a road you don’t know nor understand.

A 100% mistery road with an unknown destination.

It takes courage to do this, and it takes courage to show up in the same group and finding the strength to make all of this happen, this kind of “we can all be in the same group without destroying it”.

Yes, maybe they aren’t the same friends as before, maybe they don’t look at the stars together.
To me it’s always strange to see them apart, although now I understand that they weren’t meant to be together. I felt the difference.

But aside from this, I highly respect both of them for being able to live this kind of life, to go the unknown route and sticking with it without looking back.