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the promises you break

Today I made some children unhappy, not because I wanted to but because I was unable to keep a promise.

I don’t have excuses, in my mind I told them that we could play after dinner, but in the end it didn’t happen.
I gave them my excuses, but I know it won’t be enough, and that’s the beauty of kids.
They take your promises seriously.

Something that we, as grown up, forget.
We are so used to lying, to fake promises, to the social mask that allows us to promise the world while not having any downside, that it’s so beautiful to see a kid being angry because we didn’t kept our promises.

They value our words much more than us and this should light a bulb in our heads.

what is a wedding

I’m preparing for my first (and I hope last :D) wedding. 

A wedding is first of all a bond that you decide to make with another person, secondly a wedding is a party that you want to throw. You want to make a party you’ll remember, a party that’ll stay in your memories for a long time.

To get there there is a lot of stress, useless products you buy and test, lots of trial and error.
I think the whole wedding can and should be simpler, but it’s hard to not fall into the usual traps.
Some things are not important, other are trivials, and it’s quite easy in the midst of the war to mix the two categories.

planning your time

While preparing my wedding I realized that people infer time in many different ways.

When you think about “ok, I’ve got to do 150 presents for the guests” each person will think of a different time, some might say days, some hours, some might even think it takes weeks.

What I found out is that I got a good sense of how much time it takes to do things, and in cases like this I wonder how much my job as software developer has to do with this skill.

The ability to understand the time it takes to do a task and repeat it, adding some error, relax time, etc. Maybe it’s just that I know my times, maybe I’m starting to get a hold of new information.

What it also made clear is that planning is useless until you also do something.
Each time, each day. This will make the change and the difference.

black friday crazyness and the issue with getting into the right box

Today is the black friday, a day made for spending money.

People all over the world wait for this day so spend a loooot of money.
But to me this black friday was different. I used it to unsubscribe to all newsletters.

And it was magic.

Because during black friday eveyrone is doing some sort of promotion so you always end up with the inbox clutered with tons of email. I think today I received 20, 30 maybe.

And guess what? I unsubscribed.

I realized many of the newsletter I was waiting for did only steal my time, didn’t add value and, to be honest, didn’t interest me that much.

The other problem with black friday is that if you’re the one sending emaisl for marketing you must know how to get past the noise. How can you attract attention so that your email gets read.

I favour much more spontaneus “black friday” days made up by companies to avoid this issue, like amazon prime day. It makes things easier.
Maybe they are harder to remember, but if you care about a brand, a shop, or a product, maybe you’ll be more interested in buying afterall.

what goes wrong comes around

There are so many things in life that can go wrong, and enough that will go wrong.

We can’t avoid them, we can’t foresee them, we can’t do anything about them except accepting them.

We might be angry because they happen, but in fact we might be even more surprised of what happens when we don’t get angry. 
We might lead the way., inspire, be an example to follow.

urgent tasks are unicorns

What is a urgent task? It’s a task that cannot be postponed, an action that requires your full attention right here right now. No delay allowed.

It’s something you must take care of now, not tomorrow, not in a five minutes. Now.

It might happen though that we think some tasks are urgent. 
Maybe ’cause our boss is pressing us, maybe ’cause a customer is pressing us, maybe because we lost track of where your project is going.

But there are not so many tasks that require that much attention.

In fact, urgency is often dictated by a misunderstanding, by some wrong priorities.
Almost anything can wait, can be postponed or planned later, we can almost always find a quick fix to manage the temporary waiting for a better solution.

Real urgent tasks are in fact very rare.

advice through questions

One of the hardest thing when people ask your advice is to truly find a way to help them.

When someone comes to you and wants an advice more often than not they do this because they miss some pieces of the puzzle. They lack information or realization of that information, meaning they need to clear up their mind.

They have too much chaos and need to select which kind of information is good and which is useless.

One thing I love doing is asking question. This has some nice side effects. First of all, it doesn’t put me in the condition of “I know it all, you know nothing”. Which, by the way, it’s impossible. I don’t know a thing, let alone about other’s people problems.
Secondly, it allows the person asking for help to dig a little bit on their issues.

For example, a basic starting point is “What is the problem?”, which, by the way, seems like an harmless question, but in fact it’s always unanswered.

Why? Because the answer is rarely the real answer.
If the answer is “I’m depressed”, ok, we got it. But that is a consequence. Not the problem.

A good answer is “I’m depressed because I feel like my relationship is not working out the way it should”.
This is good also because it opens up another question. “How do you expect your relationship to be?”

And so on.
Maybe the questions will lead up to a clear path where my opinion isn’t needed, or maybe I’ll get a better understanding and have some ideas on how to help.
Whichever comes first, it’s a win-win.


what lies in the past

I remembered of a dinner we went with my gf. It was couple of years ago and we met with this friend of us and another girl.

I am always the one that don’t remember events from the past, but in this special case I was the only one remembering it.

I wonder why they all forgot about it, how we end up deciding what goes into our long term memory and what doesnt.
But more than that: How many moments we lose because of this? How many events of our past are now vanished, disappeared from our history, only because we didn’t pay attention, we didn’t live the moment?

Too many.