You’re in a car, a man steals your parking place you were eying right now.
You’re angry, you shout the worst words to him when you’re in the car.
This effect is the same you can see on Facebook and it’s caused by the fact that we feel protected by the distance, by the anonymity of the message.
It happens also in a more subtle way when people complain. If they’re not complaining directly to the interested person, they will add more words to the recipe. They will probably use meaner words, harsh terms and so on.
Why? They feel protected. They feel safe. The risk is low.
The only solution I can think of is the same: stop complaining.
Stopping the complaint doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything. It means that you must correctly direct the issue to the interested person.
Not friends, not Facebook, not a shout in the car but the exact person that generated the problem. Talk to them, see if you can sort it out.
One thing that talking makes possible is understanding the reasons, because as humans, we do things for a reason. So when we talk it might even happen that we discover a reason behind the action that will make it plausible if not more human.