I was searching for a mail, and it got a word like “irritated”.
While skipping the titles I find one email from 2005. Twelve years ago.
Out of curiosity I read it.
It was a mail I sent to a dear friend. My writing was full of hatred, I felt bad for myself.
And I admit that I was lucky. It doesn’t happen so often to look back into your past and understand the change you’ve been going through.
A the same time I think we should all keep some kind of journal, to remember also of the bad things. To know which kind of person you were and which kind you decided to become.
Dinner time, two men talking to each other, both married, both with female children.
One wished me a man, the other was, without any doubt, sure that girls were better.
I was shocked. A father that told girls were better with no doubt?
His answer was shocking and true.
“Girls give you much more love, more hugs, more kisses. Coming from a family made mostly from male this was such a relief and a new thing to me. I couldn’t ask for anything better”.
Men are inherently oriented towards the “Macho” example.
They keep their emotions shut, they favor the behaviour of the “Strong man”, instead of being open about feelings and so on.
A man doesn’t hug as much as a girl, and if it does, he’s looked as if he’s gay (not a problem to be gay, but you know, the issue here is that a behaviour triggers a misconception).
That’s our main limit as men.
Society and our thinking limits us to being this fake image, this straw hat of mankind.
We could be more than that, but judgements, people and so on, blocks us from express our full range of emotions.
I was out with a friend couple of months ago. We entered in this cosy, crowded bar and we asked for a cocktail and a cup of white wine.
The bar is one of the most famous here and it was very noisy, yet welcoming.
The girls at the counter received the order and I kept waiting.
After not so long a girl from the bar comes to me and tells me that there’s no white wine anymore.
My friend thought about it and, after evaluating which wines were left, decided to change bar.
I was not accustomed to this, because to me once you get into a bar, a club, whatever, it’s like you already made up your choice.
She, instead, consciously decided that that place didn’t have something suitable to offer and changed bar.
Sometimes the only rule is the one we think of, even if there is no rule.
The queen of england doesn’t have that much power, but has a defined control over the well being of an entire nation.
This control comes from the fact that, while the people in the country might fight, she represent a stable point, something that won’t change.
In italy, as in many other places, you always fight and debate about politics, and while this also happens in england, that is only part of the truth.
The queen detracts power and unite the nation, it is probably the most powerful element the polarize all the people towards the same goal.
As such, it is required for the queen/king to be impeccable, otherwise she/he would fail to do the most important thing: keep people together.
Changing is difficult because the major part of changing consist in questioning yourself, your habits, your actions.
Basically changing requires you to be able to judge yourself and find all the possible errors in one day.
It is not based on finding the good, only the bad.
And it’s difficult because together with this you have to keep up the morale.
Because if you keep finding errors it’s easy to think you’re not suited for this.
But you are.
I was watching “The Crown” yesterday and there’s a scene where a man from africa kiss the feet of the newborn queen Elizabeth to give his condolences to her.
After this, all the men and women start saying a phrase out loud together. Like a ritual.
Right now when someone dies we give our condolences, maybe we go to the funeral, but that’s it. We don’t recognize death and its appearances like people did before, in tribal groups or samurais.
There was some kind of “Honor” that made them different. The way they respected death and treated the people who lost their ones.
Now death is part of our lives so much we forget too consider it. We see death on tv shows so often that death itself is a common concept. Not something big to understand, but something small that passes by.
That respect was also some kind of mindfulness they had that we are continuing to lose.
At least for me I found that writing at night is more difficult. I’m more dizzy and confused, thoughts scattered through my mind.
How can the night owls people do it? I continuously wonder how people can live sleeping less. To me a good sleep is essential to have energy, mental clarity and so on.
I wonder if we are all different or we have undergone a different conditioning in life.
Maybe we can “learn” to ignore the signals from our body and simply sleep less and be sufficiently effective. who knows.
I’m seriously thinking of putting 2 buckets once you enter our house. One with smartphones with sounds on (because you’re waiting for something), one with sound off and add the rule that if a smartphone is in the sound off bucket it can’t be touched, if a smartphone is in the sound on bucket it can be touched only if it rings.
I wonder what habits would change.
I went to the dentist today and he told me a secret.
They have one of those whitening machines using UV-rays.
They work fine, but the rays are dangerous for the eye.
Guess what, the company behind the machine gives you eyeglasses to protect your eyes, wonderful right?
Which color are the sunglasses? Glad you asked.
This way, after looking at orange things for 20 minutes, things will be more blue, and your teeth more white.
Marketing magic. But is everything like that? Are we doomed by marketing and cosmetic?
I’m starting to think that bad marketing exists because we want it.
Aesthetic is something cosmetic.
The need to be beautiful, to compare and look beautiful, is cosmetic.
Marketing is cosmetic too. Is all about getting out your need of comparison, the need to be better, superior, evolved.
Would we think the same way if we didn’t think we need white teeth?
I remember there was this time where my singing teacher asked me to sing in a musical. One of the lead singers was ill and I was a perfect substitute.
I accepted, I was scared but I went through it all.
I was very very anxious the day of the show, it was a beautiful summer night and I remember that I did broke up with my ex-gf few weeks earlier.
I was somewhat hoping she’d get there, she knew I was doing that.
Instead of her, many friends came to see me, even though the show wasn’t their type of show, even though I also messed up in the vocal solo.
Looking back, it was awesome. I got to do a musical, to experience something out of my comfort zone. My friends were all there and we did all enjoy the moment.
At that time though, it felt like a bad day. I was expecting my ex to show up, and since it didn’t happened, I considered a bad day.
A good day or a bad day is, in the moment, only the evaluation of a single element of the whole day.
We miss the vision, we miss the overall group of events that make a day bad or good.
Looking back, I decided it was a bad day based on a single outcome when all the rest of the events were fantastic, and this somewhat proves to me that we focus too much on thing that are too little for us instead of checking out the big game, the strategy, life.