I was in the waiting room of our doctor and there was this man in his fourthies that kept talking. At first he tried to help the old women that were trying to get their medicines from the doctor, in other cases he was trying to work like a policeman in the middle of the traffict, directing people to where they would go.
To some extent, he was great. But he was too much. He did too much. It was like if he couldn’t stand the silence, as if silence itself was unbearable.
The beauty of this happened when he answered a phone call from, I suppose, his wife.
The mask fell off. He didn’t obviously become a monster, but it became clear the difference. The words he said to his wife were natural, they felt natural, while his help in the waiting room felt a little bit fake. During the call he used some f_ words and he showed lots of different sides of his personalities (caring, but also aggressive without being excessive) that couldn’t emerge on the fake “I can help you all” guy he was trying to mimic.
But why did he felt fake?
One: Why do it? What would he gain from it?
This is the standard question in our mind and it happens whenever someone helps us deliberately, with no interest.
There is always an interest, and if so, better to always show it beforehand “I’m doing because of this (explain it in honest words), and I don’t mind helping you along the way”.
This helps people know why you’re doing it and makes you trustworthy, while on the other hand if you push your kindness too far, well, it might come as fake.
I pose a great value on vulnerability. It’s a powerful element in our lives and can help us both in work and personal life.
While he was trying to do the one man show the guy didn’t have any vulnerability whatsoever. He didn’t show his weaknesses but simply tried to be perfect and guess what? We, humans, are imperfect as hell. We’re always a work in progress and there is no exception.
That’s why he become surprisingly nice when he answered the phone call, he instantly become real.
Three: Words have a weight.
James Altucher, writer, once said (I’m paraphrasing) that he tries to don’t exceed the limit of 1000 words per day. Not in writing, but in talking.
Why? Imaging that words have a weight, but not a weight on the single word you say but a total weight. Like 50kg per day.
So, if you say 100 words in a day each word would wait 50kg/100=0,5kg.
The more words you say, the less each word weights and this mean that everything you say become less and less important.
You might think of this as a new age thing but it’s not. Words do weight. And they can also lose weight if you don’t consider them valuable.
How? Think about your friend that promises you to come visit your house each time you see him, but in the end he doesn’t do it.
If he comes to you and say to you “Oh, we should definitely have dinner some times”, would you believe him? Of course not.
Each time he made a promise and didn’t keep it his words lost weight, they lost value and now they are worthless.
You should respect your words, value them, and consider them a great good that you should use sparingly, because the more you learn how, and when, to use them, the more you’ll be able to do.