Come on, give me the chills https://comeon.givemethechills.com Thoughts about changing, life, and whatever. Mon, 15 Apr 2019 19:54:01 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.1.1 81760688 the smallest part of the whole https://comeon.givemethechills.com/the-smallest-part-of-the-whole/ Mon, 15 Apr 2019 19:54:01 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2208 If you’re learning a new, complex, skill, you’ll fail a lot. This is normal.  But if you want to accomplish something and understand the behaviour and the mechanics behind your topic, you might want to reduce it to the small viable part that executes it. For example, say you want to learn how to tackle […]

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If you’re learning a new, complex, skill, you’ll fail a lot.
This is normal. 
But if you want to accomplish something and understand the behaviour and the mechanics behind your topic, you might want to reduce it to the small viable part that executes it.

For example, say you want to learn how to tackle complex problems with your husband you might not want to start with your big issue, but with a small issue. Reduce the stakes so that even if you fail it won’t be a problem.

This way you can test, fail and refine, and only after you mastered the smallest part, you go up higher.

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give them a way out https://comeon.givemethechills.com/give-them-a-way-out/ Sun, 14 Apr 2019 22:13:37 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2206 Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a nice way to exit a conversation? Or to have a safe option in case everything goes wrong? I guess we all love this opportunity. The chance to simply get out of a trip you weren’t supposed to embark upon. When we confront with people, we tend to […]

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Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a nice way to exit a conversation? Or to have a safe option in case everything goes wrong?

I guess we all love this opportunity. The chance to simply get out of a trip you weren’t supposed to embark upon.

When we confront with people, we tend to give them only the options we like, trapping them into a maze where either you do what we want, or everything goes back.

It makes us feel in control, with much more power than what we deserve.
What would happen if we could give them a chance to get out with no pressure?
What choices would they make if we don’t put them under stress?

We’re not always closing a deal, and even if we do, giving the opportunity to back out is great because it allows people to have more vision, to see clearly what’s happening.
Truth is, we might do it to hide the issues with our proposal.

Think about it: If you’re offering them something that’s truly unique, why would they refuse?
If they do, it’s because you’re selling them something they don’t either want or understand.

In both cases, it’s your fault.
Yes, the pressure might close the deal, get them on your side, accept your offer (even a non marketing offer, we might talk about friendship, relationships, a raise).

But if you’d give them a way out and do your best, what would be the outcome?

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ready to fail https://comeon.givemethechills.com/ready-to-fail/ Wed, 10 Apr 2019 21:00:24 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2204 Small or big change? What are you after? If you’re after a big change, you should prepare yourself. Not only technically, but emotionally, because you’ll fail. A lot. Think about learning to negotiate. Do you think you’ll get it right away? No. If you feel like learning it, then it’s because you’re not good at […]

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Small or big change? What are you after?

If you’re after a big change, you should prepare yourself.
Not only technically, but emotionally, because you’ll fail. A lot.

Think about learning to negotiate. Do you think you’ll get it right away? No.
If you feel like learning it, then it’s because you’re not good at negotiating. Which means that you’ll need to do a lot of negotiations.

And many, if not all, will fail.
You will fail, again and again, and again.

You will fail beyond any imagination if the change you’re seeking is bigger than what you ever dreamed of.

You’ll fail in each part of the process, in each part of learning. Because big changes don’t happer overnight. They build up slowly.
Hidden in each failure there’s a golden nugget you can take home. A small rock to build a solid house.
Yet, you won’t see that house until some time passes, months, years who knows.

Be prepared. Emotionally.

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the illusion https://comeon.givemethechills.com/the-illusion/ Sun, 07 Apr 2019 21:11:03 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2201 Imagine this: Group chat, created on facebook to share photos of my family to some distant relative. Starts easy on a christmas day, but soon began a place to share “PLEASE SHARE THIS, PLEASE SHARE THAT: HELP THIS CAT, HELP THIS DOG”. What social media got right was selling an illusion. The illusion to be […]

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Imagine this:
Group chat, created on facebook to share photos of my family to some distant relative.
Starts easy on a christmas day, but soon began a place to share “PLEASE SHARE THIS, PLEASE SHARE THAT: HELP THIS CAT, HELP THIS DOG”.

What social media got right was selling an illusion. The illusion to be heard, the illusion of success, the illusion of valuing people by a number, the number of friends.

The sad illusion that more friends equals more power, and more power equals: you can help me.

And here comes the sad truth: If we were to act upon every single help request we’d stop living our life. That’s why in real life things like this happen on a smaller scale. 
Because we all had that friend that calls you only to ask for a favor. 

But on the internet? “That Friend” are many more.

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40 years of building block https://comeon.givemethechills.com/40-years-of-building-block/ Fri, 05 Apr 2019 12:00:45 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2198 Few days ago a dear friend of mine told me that she eventually resolved an issue with her husband. They didn’t get along one topic and this was causing them some issues. They’ve known each others for 7 years, so it was hard, but not impossible. Then she told me “Now the hard part will […]

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Few days ago a dear friend of mine told me that she eventually resolved an issue with her husband. They didn’t get along one topic and this was causing them some issues.

They’ve known each others for 7 years, so it was hard, but not impossible.

Then she told me “Now the hard part will be discussing with my mother”.
And she was right.

Because when we build a relation for such a long time we build it on common ground. But while time passes, we add some extra building blocks. Some good, some bad.
The bad ones are things like trust, prejudice, etc.

Things you accumulate over the years and that define the relationship in both ways.

That’s why it’s harder. You have to dismantle, on both sides, 40 years of building blocks.

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easy questions, hard answers and how to spot a wrong question https://comeon.givemethechills.com/easy-questions-hard-answers-and-how-to-spot-a-wrong-question/ Wed, 03 Apr 2019 05:56:26 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2196 You might be fooled into thinking that easy questions are the way to go. Few days ago I wrote to an acquaintance a question about gender discrimination at work. I wrote moved by an impulse, so the question was very emotional yet easy to grasp. He replied to me, with a kindness unique to his […]

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You might be fooled into thinking that easy questions are the way to go.

Few days ago I wrote to an acquaintance a question about gender discrimination at work. I wrote moved by an impulse, so the question was very emotional yet easy to grasp.

He replied to me, with a kindness unique to his position, and clearly showed me that I didn’t do my homework, the question was wrong.

But what it means to do your homework before asking a question? Well, that’s the difference between a good question and a bad question.

A good questions takes into considerations the aspects of the problem and narrows it down so it’s aiming at a specific topic in a specific context.

A bad question is extremely broad, clear in terms of expression, but too complex in terms of answers.
My bad question was along the lines of “What can we do to help her?”

Which, as you might guess, opens up a series of parallel universe only do reduce the amount of topics.
Where does she come from? What was the power status between her and her boss? etc etc etc.

That was the homework I didn’t do.
Asking broad questions implies that only the person that answer it should do the homework. But she can’t because with such broad question you can hardly get a great answer.

To get great answers, you need great questions.

Some extra examples:
Bad: “How do I make money?”
Good: “I want to do some extra money on the side. I can spend 1 hour a day to work on a project and I feel like I can get some extra customers in design projects. My problem is: I don’t know how to reach them. What are the options to find new connections and propose my design services to people online?”

The good question could even be refined more, but you get the difference.

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aren’t you tired of compliments? https://comeon.givemethechills.com/arent-you-tired-of-compliments/ Mon, 01 Apr 2019 06:57:48 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2194 What’s the use of partying, the use of writing the things you can do on facebook? Is it personal marketing or is it something different? Unless you’re trying to brand yourself or place a product the only thing you’re probably accomplishing is receiving some “Oh, great!” from your friends. A positive reinforcement nonetheless. But, what’s […]

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What’s the use of partying, the use of writing the things you can do on facebook?

Is it personal marketing or is it something different?

Unless you’re trying to brand yourself or place a product the only thing you’re probably accomplishing is receiving some “Oh, great!” from your friends. A positive reinforcement nonetheless.

But, what’s it for?
Is it because you want to do more, to share tactics? I rarely see posts like this with useful information for the people around you, what commonly happens is that you share it for your ego.

Not to enrich other people, but to enrich yourself only.
What if you translate those posts so that they become useful for others? What if they add a contribution to the world?

It’ll lead other people to do so, it’ll inspire them, and more importantly, you’ll set ego aside for something much bigger than you: leaving the world in a better state.

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follow the steps https://comeon.givemethechills.com/follow-the-steps/ Wed, 27 Mar 2019 21:28:33 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2192 It might happen. You’ve always had a job that tells you what to do, step by step. One day a colleague comes to you and ask you your opinion on a new thing. A thing you never did before, a thing no one gave you the instructions.A thing that you “made” before, but only as […]

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It might happen. You’ve always had a job that tells you what to do, step by step.

One day a colleague comes to you and ask you your opinion on a new thing. A thing you never did before, a thing no one gave you the instructions.
A thing that you “made” before, but only as a gear, as a small part of a bigger machine.

Your mind becomes blank, no ideas on the horizon.
What to do, what to say, are nowhere to be found.

You feel useless, not ready for this, not prepared. You fell like you _are_ incapable.

It might seem like a creative narration but in fact it’s part of a real story I saw and I can also relate to that.
In our work we are sometimes gears of a bigger machine. Parts of a masterplan we don’t fully see.

Yet, without us, that masterplan wouldn’t have been there. We are part of the knowledge that made it possible, yet we don’t trust our work because we didn’t do entirely, or to say it correctly: Without that bigger vision, the grand scheme of things.

I get it, it’s ok.
What we don’t get is that fear is in the way.
What we miss is that each and every time we learned there was this gap, this invisible gap between what we can do, and what we don’t know how to do.

A fine line that seems like a giant leap. Yet if we look back it wasn’t so big.
It took time, but not so much effort.

What it took is blindly trust that, if we put enough work, work will pay off.

This won’t change, yet our fear will make us change our mind instead.
Shut that voice. Go for the leap and don’t be afraid to fail.
Because you’re here and you failed in life and yet, guess what, you’re still here.

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be uncomfortable https://comeon.givemethechills.com/be-uncomfortable/ Tue, 26 Mar 2019 18:57:23 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2190 It’s only by choosing to do something different that you’ll end up in new different places. It’s by removing the bias, the prejudice that you go beyond your beliefs. Only by going into a place you didn’t really liked, only by doing something you didn’t really wished for. Only by doing those things _on your […]

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It’s only by choosing to do something different that you’ll end up in new different places. It’s by removing the bias, the prejudice that you go beyond your beliefs.

Only by going into a place you didn’t really liked, only by doing something you didn’t really wished for.

Only by doing those things _on your own will_ you’ll see something new, something unexpected.

It might not happen always, but it’ll eventually happen sometimes.

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open up your mind https://comeon.givemethechills.com/open-up-your-mind/ Mon, 25 Mar 2019 20:12:53 +0000 https://comeon.givemethechills.com/?p=2188 It’s in the connections you make with people that you can learn something new. Only if you take the time to step down from your position, question yourself and accept a different point of view you can really make a change, make a difference. That’s the key. Today I learned from a friend a new […]

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It’s in the connections you make with people that you can learn something new.

Only if you take the time to step down from your position, question yourself and accept a different point of view you can really make a change, make a difference.

That’s the key. Today I learned from a friend a new word: Gaslightning, that’s used at work. If you don’t know what that is, look it up, because you probably saw that happening, but didn’t knew the name.

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