we were depressed all along

2020. Covid Happened. We didn’t expect it.
With it everything changed. Our behavior, our distancing, our working, our friends.

We started seeing people differently. The world split into two main factions. But under that hood there was an even sadder truth.

I was reading a reddit topic on how quarantine changed for good and bad your life. Many people wrote in there, sharing their life experiences. It was full of life, of struggle, of fight and failures.

To me, covid allowed me to stay with my family and improve my overall fitness.
Being able to have so much more time for working out allowed me to improve a lot in areas I didn’t expect.

But my experience wasn’t the standard.
Many people stopped working out. Many people couldn’t keep up.

What did I do different? Nothing, that’s the truth.
What then made it possible for me to do something other couldn’t?

Well, what made impossible for them? This would be the question.
The answer? Depression.
I, too, couldn’t do many things.
Many people faked happiness.

The single moment of joy, the extreme playfulness, the going out with friends, allowed us to look away from our life, from the shadows we dive in.
Living in quarantine forced us to face them.
Not many were prepared, many failed, many others learned a lesson.

But all of us discovered that there was a little dark spot in our heart.
We didn’t have a clear name for it, we feared it and like a cancer we always hoped it wouldn’t happen to us.
Yet it was there all along.

Some have a darker spot, some a bigger one, some drowned into it, some drove through it, but we shared it all.
It’s our dark moment, the night when we think we can’t make it, the moment we say “It’s enough”.
The surrender, the failure, the acceptance that we can’t honestly do it.
Our dark spot, our depression was always there.

Quarantine uncovered it and we had to battle it.

When I look at all the failures in other people’s lives I don’t think I did better. I know for sure that I failed in other things.
We all tried to cover that black spot in the beginning. But it was strong.
In the end those failures are scars that tell a story of survival.

That’s what quarantine reminded us, that’s what it’s reminding still today.
To survive, in spite our dark spot.
In spite of the failures, of the hopelessness, in spite of the depression we all shared.

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