I remember talking with a dear friend about how we should approach “saying something that arise various complex implications” to someone.
It’s not easy, it’s even more difficult when the stakes are high and it’s not an uncommon situation.
To be honest, I don’t think we can find a true solution, a 1 click shortcut, but there are lots of things we can do to improve how we say things to people.
2 Books really helped me going through this topic, one is “Difficult conversation”, which is a really great book about this type of discussions, and the other one (audio) is the power of vulnerability by Brenè Brown.
Both books teach you something meaningful about interacting with other people, and what I’ve learned from them is that we must share as much as possible and be open and honest.
By sharing as much as possible I mean sharing our pains, our fears, our problem.
When we say something, when we ask something, we always do it for a reason.
Going to someone and asking without explaining that reason is selfish. Why would anyone give their precious time and effort towards something they don’t know?
Even though you’re friends, you should share, because it’s not that uncommon to ignore this advice just because we’re friends, but ignoring it will eventually lead to the same problems.
The other advice is to be open and honest, to not fake the situation if it’s hard, to not make things seem easy.
Thinking about it, there’s also another book that influenced me how I approach this kind of issues and it’s “How to win friends and influence people”.
Many things in this book might seem manipulative (and some of them are), but I like to think that it’s how you use them that make the difference.
One thing this book taught me was to allow others to take the decision.
We are used to be the one in control, but what if you allow the other part to decide, by putting them into the right mindset?
You should also be able to accept any results if it doesn’t go as planned, but I personally found out that if you honestly open yourself to others and show them what you care about and what they care about and let them decide it’s amazing how things go.
It kinda reminds me of one post about removing the ego, and it sounds exactly like this.
Removing the ego allows you to remove many needs, like the need to be right.