Author: Andrea Grassi

I truly believe that we should all either survive to our problems or die by them.

I do try my best to help people around me, but in the end it’s clear that we should all take on our problems, face them, and fix our lives. There are no shortcuts, no easy ways. It’s just failing, trying again, until we succeed.

Some people make it, some other don’t and they get drowned by the consequences as if life is something we can’t manage.

Few weeks ago I was deeply saddened by an event, I was shocked and felt powerless in front of that situation. I still do have some scars left, yet today I remember that  few months ago, another problem that felt impossible to overcome was living in my mind.

Both problems will disappear in a couple of months, or maybe years. Who knows, in the end they’ll all become dust.

Once we fix one problem, we will get another one and this never-ending story won’t change.
The point is: they are not “problems”.

It’s life.

There are a hundred ways to both act in death and react to death.

What will happen at your funeral? Will it be joyful or sad. Will it give people a chance to think about their future or simply leave with no message?

There’s a lot behind a death, a person leaves an empty space yet if they’re lucky enough they can leave something behind, something more than that void.

My mind goes directly to the father of a dear friend that to me left one of the most memorable marks in my life.
He was a great man, a man that everyone loved, joyful but without excesses. He was great, really.

On his funeral I think he asked his dearest son to remember everyone that even though we parted ways with him that we should not sadden. He left a gift at the exit of the church for the people attending the funeral.

It was amazing.

Today I was at a different funeral, and there was no such message, and in those moments I wonder: What’s the gift that we plan to leave at our funeral?
What’s the message, the ideal?

None or something?

They don’t have a past, they can’t link situations in the way we do, nor they do care about the future.

Cats only live the present.
Which is nice because when you want them to learn something you have to do it “now”. You can’t blame them if they do something wrong and you’re not there, you can’t blame them after ’cause they won’t be able to link them.

But in the present, they’re 100% aware.

Something we should learn too, so that the past won’t drag us and the present can be full of presence.

Healing takes time, and often the small changes that will make a big impact on your life, can’t reveal themselves instantly. They take time to build, time to heal, to change.

I recently undergo a surgery at my nose, to breath better, and guess what? I still can’t breath properly because the surgery left a lot to be healed before I’ll be in “clean nose” mode 😀

This is part of the game. We can’t heal/change fast. It’s a step-by step process. It’s a marathon, not a spring.

We don’t need your presence when we’re sick, we don’t need your comfort when we’re sad, we don’t need your help when we’re building our ikea table, we don’t need your suggestion when we’re facing a problem.

We might need some presence when we’re sick, but we don’t need it from anyone. We need it from the people we care.
If something good happens to us, like the birth of a child, we don’t need everyone to pass by right after the fact, take your time.

We don’t need your comfort when we’re sad, we might need your presence when we’re blue. We might need time to build an ikea table and we’re likely to be happy taking some wrong turns doing it because that’s the joy of learning.

And yes, we would like to listen to your suggestion, but we’re not obliged to, so if it’s not a good time, silence is still golden.