Standing up for yourself as a way to cultivate yourself is not very in the news right now.
We are more attracted to standing up for other people rights or standing up to build credibility or have some deserved attention.
The latter things, the one focused on yourself, are more often then not the results of the need to be seen, to show up.
It’s normal, we all have that. But what would happen if we nourished our lives?
Nourishing them as a way to cultivate what’s good and beautiful, to grow our compassion, our empathy, to deepen the relationships we have, to ensure we smile and have no regrets.
I’m not talking about social status, work, etc.
I’m talking about the inner part of yourself, the purest one. The one that doesn’t feel the need to achieve but the need to share and help.
It’s uncommon, but it’s worth it.
I always wonder what it takes to be accountable, to make it till the end, to reach your goals.
I think that one of the best way to ensure this is to expose our will to others.
Expose them to our dreams, the real one, not the faraway dreams you won’t do, but the ones you are committed to.
This way you create an informational gap between you and other people so that they will expect some action from you.
The best way to do it is sharing it online, let it be on a blog post or on a Facebook status and then share it with the people you trust.
It might be frightening but that fear will keep you accountable
What will you do when you fail is something that might mark your life.
Success, failure, are just steps of a process of research, and as such shouldn’t contain sadness.
They are just part of life.
But when we talk about failure, sadness appears because you’re implicitly judging yourself for not being able to reach your goal.
We confuse the failure in the process with a failure with ourselves, when it’s really not.
We just have to find the right way to do it.
I believe failure and the resulting sadness is all a matter of questions.
The wrong questions are something like
- why am I failing so much?
- why am I such a failure?
- why can’t I do it?
They are generic questions, and some of them assume the problem is you as a whole being, not your actions or choices.
The good questions instead are precise, defined, clear
- I failed doing this, was it because A, B or C?
- What could I change to make it?
- Is there anything else I can learn to improve?
Success is just a part of the process too. So don’t be fooled from it.
When you succeed avoid thinking you won’t fail again.
Have you ever wanted to stop doing something?
Or, worse, did you stopped doing something you once loved because you didn’t care about it anymore?
This is a usual setup when we experience a Burnout in a work environment.
When you experience a burnout you suddenly (at least for me) try to save yourself by reducing the things you do.
Not the one you need to do, just the added value you were contributing to your daily work.
And the reason is often because we stop caring about things.
Passion, therefore, is not only a synonym of what we love, but it’s more than ever shows how much deeply we care .
Passion isn’t only driven by how much we like things but it’s mainly driven by how much we care about them or their results.
If you find yourself lacking passion, ask: is there a reason why I don’t care anymore?
A year is a long time.
It passes like a day, I know, but in fact during one entire year lots of good and bad shit happens and we end up forgetting some of them.
That’s why we should keep track of what we are doing.
To remember, to love. to discover what was wonderful, to remember every single step along this journey.
There will always be bad times, and those times will stay attached to your memory way more better than the good ones.
So make space for the ones worth remembering, the good, the wonderful, the beautiful.
Make space for them so they won’t be a number and you’ll end up thinking that yes, it was a long journey, but it was worth the trouble.
If all the love was done onto you then it would be the perfect day.
Having love, discovering love, living love, is one of the most powerful things that could ever happen to you.
If it happens, then it’s your perfect day.
When people care, when people move for you, that’s when you feel the change, the power, the intimacy.
That’s what love is all about.
But to make this powerful change happen there is one caveat we must face: We are the ones entitled to do love to others.
We can’t nor should expect love to come to us, instead we must spread it as a virus, as a viral video on you tube.
Love, empathy, presence, whatever you prefer, is something we must start doing constantly on every single person we meet during our life.
Bad thoughts seem always like the right thing, it’s absolutely normal to think that it’s best to share them with someone.
Sharing our dark thoughts seems compelling, but is that useful? Does that help with solving the problem?
If all we do is keep complaining than it’s difficult to find an exit to the tunnel.
That way, it’s best to keep your mouth shut, and understand why you feel the urge to share such bad thought.
Silences are awkward and they often tell us more than words could ever convey.
But we fail to break them in the most precious moment, when we want to rebuild connection.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend,, once I shared with him my 2015 goals he said that he too wanted to do that many things (I was talking about contributing to opensource and so on) but he just couldn’t make it.
When he got home, he didn’t have the will to do it and he slacked.
I don’t think he really slacked, I’m much more convinced that we have different priorities.
Some priorities are just invisible to us, because we are not able to distinguish “real interest” from “faux interest”.
Real interest is something that drives you deeply, it’s what you think during your day. It’s a motivator of your life.
If you are doing martial arts 3 times a week constantly, you probably have a real interest going on there.
This doesn’t mean that the real interest will last forever. Some times it’s just a mood, some time will just go away in a few weeks.
But for those few weeks it’s on your mind with a big red light that says “Follow me” and your interest is there.
Faux interest can be pictured like something we want to do but that in the end we end up not doing.
It’s the “I’d love to do that, but I’m just too busy”.
I believe there’s some sort of emulation here. We want to emulate success (which, in my modest case I think it’s just “doing a lot of things”) or results.
We are attracted to that idea, and so when we say “I want do build a product, to learn japanese, to learn to dance” what we really mean is “I want to earn lots of money with a successful product, I want to be attractive thanks to my languages, I want to not be embarassed when I’m dancing” and so on.
It’s a subtle trick of our mind.
If we got something we didn’t quite do but we wanted to do so much, maybe it’s time to consider why we care about it and we’re not willing to move a finger for it.
I am an introvert, at least I think so, and one of the things I always found out true about myself is determination.
Which shouldn’t be confused with the fact that I, occasionally, procrastinate as much as anyone out here in the world.
Being an introvert gives you a place to think of, where your time is the most valuable thing.
Introverts, like me, tend to think about the situations to learn from them and act accordingly.
We don’t learn by body, we learn by mind (if this sounds a bit strange, think of it of body memory and mind memory, that’s the idea).
It’s our mind that slowly process information and creates pattern to react instead of learning invisibly by the body.
This is not always a good thing, since we are (at least myself) really slow at learning by body or without thoughts on the matter.
Being an introvert thaught me to value my words, to listen to my mind and to move forward slowly and steadly, knowing that I will get to the point eventually.