Category: Blog

Today I remember what it was like to learn from other.
I saw a dear friend of mine, Simona, and I talked with her for a while.

What seemed like a common talk was in fact something very deep, at least for me, mostly because I realized that I learned a lot from her. From being humble, to being bold, both seems in contrast but in fact they are part of my character.

I love to think of how we learn from others.
We learn from other people quite often but I guess we don’t realize it so much.

These days my brother started writing his first messages to me.
I realized there aren’t so many tools to allow secure, controlled, communication between peers of the same family group, at least in italian.

Something like whatsapp but with more control over the group of people allowed to write.

Every time an “idea” like this strike on me I wonder if I’m hitting some undiscovered need, or if I’m just wanting something nobody else wants.

Often the solution is to find other customers 🙂

This long title “every man has about 40 seconds to make up his mind and do the right thing” is all about a thing I’ve learned many years ago.

I dunno if you could call it wisdom, in fact it is one of the anecdotal piece of my life that’s not seriously based on some fact, but more on the intuition of a man.
A man I’ve met in a gym.

I remember he was running and I was lifting weights (not so much weight, btw).
He was talking with a friend about cheating, yes, a man cheating on his girlfriend or wife.

Now as you may know, nothing in this world happens randomly.
We all follow a script, our script.
We are in control every single moment and although I’d really like to justify my errors through the sentence “I wasn’t aware”, I must admit that no… you are never out of control.

Back to the story…
This man was talking about a fascinating idea, the idea that every man in the world, once put in the right condition, could cheat or not cheat based on his resistance in 40 seconds.

This means that the moment you might be found off bat lasts around 40 seconds.
The uncertainty, the “well, maybe I should accept another drink”, the “isn’t she perfect?”, etc.. they all lasts about 40 seconds.
Once those seconds are passed, you’re safe.

I’m not the type to believe in phrases like this so easily but I must admit that this definition grew on me.
I started thinking a lot about how the decision making process works in moments like cheating (or not), and my conclusion is that, yes, there might be something like these 40 seconds, but before that there’s another thing.

Yes, because those 40 seconds wouldn’t have happened if…
If you didn’t let them.

You got the chance to cheat because you allowed the chance to be created.
Remember what I told you? We are always in control.
I still believe that.

Found a nice girl in a bar and she walks out to you and offers you a drink?
It’s your choice to accept, refuse, or just walk away.
You, only you are in control.

Maybe the 40 seconds do exists, but there’s a whole story that we might not talk about, the story of those mens that were in charge all the time.
The story of who didn’t allow the cheat to even configure in their life.

To me those stories, although untold, are all about the best part of us.
The part that sticks with the plan, the lives to our expectations, that honors the people around us.

From time to time when I watch a movie or a tv serie I think “why aren’t they telling you the whole truth?”

It would simplify everything, but that isn’t happening in the movie and neither it happens in real life.
Sometimes we keep our thoughts for ourselves making impossible for the other people to understand us.
How could they? We can’t rely only on body language, in fact it’s useless to expect body language to have that much importance.

Yes, understanding body language can help, but we need to be more transparent, to speak our thoughts more frequently and more clearly and to always think of who we are talking to.
To be human, that’s it.

We are in a beauty based society, and I guess it’s safe to admit this.

From television, to every human interaction, everything revolves around beauty.
Other’s people opinions are based upon beauty, even the judgement on your health might be biased by that.

Therefore I’m wondering: can we get out of this beauty requirement or will we be caged by beauty forever?

My best guess is that to exit this loop we need first and foremost to change ourselves.
This has been a rule that I got the pleasure to demonstrate to myself daily.
Many of the problems in the world start in you.
This is different than saying “many of the problems in the world start by you” ok?
The problems themselves are within.

The place to start solving them is within you by working on how you act and react.
In this case what can be done individually to help change the beauty requirement?

First: stop using beauty as a level to judge people or their likeability.
Second: accept the fact that if you go without caring about beauty some people will be pissed off and will piss you off.
Your job in those cases will be to learn and improve. To know how to act and learn by mistakes.
Third: don’t confuse a society based on beauty with a society that doesn’t respect the body you live in.

The third point is key.
We often imaging the opposite of beauty as something shabby, like a men with a not well-finished beard. This is not the case, in fact being shabby is just like focusing on beauty.
Balancing excess with another type of excess rarely solves problems.
In this case the opposite of a beauty based opinion is an opinion based on other elements, but that doesn’t imply you should look after your body and aspect.
Your body will still be important, but not in an excessive way.