asking with kindness


Yesterday I talked about not being an a__hole and today I got time to think about asking question with kindness, which is kinda related.

My gf asked my if it was the right time to threw in the trash a few empty whisky bottles that I was keeping.
I agreed with her, but nonetheless I though “she was a little bit insensitive” and I didn’t mean in an harsh way, but still I thought the whole conversation could be improved.

Why and how?
First and foremost, by telling me that it was time to trash them she inherently told me that

  1. she didn’t care about them
  2. she didn’t care about my interest _about_ the bottles

Which is why in the first place I thought it wasn’t a nice move (although I wholeheartedly agreed).

To improve such conversation one example would be to ask question (BTW: I always think asking question to let people think through is a good way of moving forward)

Which questions?

  1. _Hey, why are you keeping those bottles? Are they important to you?_
    This question start by asking about the other feelings about the problem
  2. _Oh, I get it, so do you plan to keep them forever or will you be willing to keep only the most important ones?_
    This question start going into the issue, to understand how much important they are, and move forward.

From there, I think the conversation is easier and leaves less space to misunderstanding.
Yes, I know, this is not a topic that was hard to discuss, but you get the point, it’s all about caring for the other person.


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