Yesterday I talked about not being an a__hole and today I got time to think about asking question with kindness, which is kinda related.
My gf asked my if it was the right time to threw in the trash a few empty whisky bottles that I was keeping.
I agreed with her, but nonetheless I though “she was a little bit insensitive” and I didn’t mean in an harsh way, but still I thought the whole conversation could be improved.
Why and how?
First and foremost, by telling me that it was time to trash them she inherently told me that
- she didn’t care about them
- she didn’t care about my interest _about_ the bottles
Which is why in the first place I thought it wasn’t a nice move (although I wholeheartedly agreed).
To improve such conversation one example would be to ask question (BTW: I always think asking question to let people think through is a good way of moving forward)
- _Hey, why are you keeping those bottles? Are they important to you?_
This question start by asking about the other feelings about the problem
- _Oh, I get it, so do you plan to keep them forever or will you be willing to keep only the most important ones?_
This question start going into the issue, to understand how much important they are, and move forward.
From there, I think the conversation is easier and leaves less space to misunderstanding.
Yes, I know, this is not a topic that was hard to discuss, but you get the point, it’s all about caring for the other person.