Category: Blog

What is honest in a show? When I look at Jimmy Fallon I love how spontaneous he is and yet I keep wondering: How much of this is planned, how much of it is in the script, and how much improv is there.

Fiction, that is, the ability to imitate real life. Like an actor, but without the script of the story, only the script for a show, to make the show more human, more palatable, more relatable.

A show will be successful if it has these ingredients because after wall we crave that kind of interaction. We crave it because in our daily life we miss it, our social masks, our social status, our fears will prevail our desire for honest connection with people.

When I look at the tv-series Suits I see in Litt our perfect representation. We fear judgement so we try to hide. We hide our errors, our fears, even ourselves.

That’s why we miss honest connections, because we lack vulnerability. We think this is a game where only the strong survive, but it’s not, and our need for a truthful connection, a honest talk, is the clear demonstration of it.

Couple of days ago I discovered a coworker wasn’t performing so well. Given the fact that we had some “Moonlightning” issues in the past (people working for two or 3 companies at a time) I wanted to understand better what was going on.

Once I had a chance to talk with him I realized that he was doing the best he could with the information provided, he had some issues, but he wasn’t the only source of problem.
We were part of the problem too. We didn’t gave him enough information to understand the problem.

I then looked at the hierarchy and saw that all people were way too busy with to many late task. Everyone was behind schedule.

They were all doing their best but still failing because they were so late for the time.
Days ago I was thinking that maybe some people were underperforming but no, I changed my mind because I know what it’s like to be late, to underperform because you’re overwhelmed.

Those people were all fighting together, failing together. This happens. There are time when you’d like some trust from the people around you, trust in a moment when you’re in trouble, when you can’t keep up.

When I looked at the situation I realized that was one of those times. People can be excellent, once you allow them to be so.

Did it ever happened to you to enter in a restaurant or a bar and to not be greeted at all?

When it happens you feel like a ghost, like you’re invisible, like you don’t matter for them.
If the wait is long enough it’ll have all the right cards to make you angry.

But, on the other end, if they notice you even by adding a simple “Oh, we’ll be right there, wait a minute”, they are saying “I see you, I know you are there and you matter to me”.

It makes the wait less painful and adds context and value to the whole scene.

In a world dominated by technology feedback is still important. If we don’t have time to reply to a message in time, if we need to gather information and we wait until we’re done, or if we planned to answer next week, we’re acting like the waiter in the bar. Not noticing, ignoring the customer waiting at the door.

On the other hand, if we reply instantly to each customer that enters we could not be able to do our work, to serve the rest of the people.

Feedback is a critical part of any job. It allows you to say “I’m on it” and even if you’re not working a simple “I’ll get back to you tomorrow” will be enough to calm things down.
Feedback is what makes people feel understood, and it’s also what makes their action more meaningful, because, without it, we’re like lonely travelers in a forest, hoping someone will laugh at our joke while nobody is there.

I was with my wife at a seminar for moms to be. The nurse was asking questions to each father to know what were our expectations, our dreams, our fears.

I was one of the last in line. I was prepared with a nice answer, but she let me say only the first part, then she stopped me and asked me a question that was outside of what I expected.

My ego was a little depressed because it lost the opportunity to show up, but that’s the whole point: Being prepared, studying for something, is only a part of the job.
If we get attached to the outcome or even to the time spent working for it, we’ll be disappointed by the events.

What we must do is prepare for the worst and accept what’s to come. Because ego will be always there, trying to lure us into thinking that expressing is a right idea, but no: We should learn to mix our ideas into the world, flow with it.

Not because we want to hide ego, not because we want to avoid confrontation or to be assertive.
No, because ego can only add value to itself. If we are stuck to our idea it means ego is in the way, it means we can’t grow that idea anymore because we’re not willing to change.

Ego is a chance to learn how let go, how to accept detours and enjoy them.

It’s easier to blame, to outsource the fault. But if we’re in it, then we have a part.