everything is a lie but not everyone is a liar

Admitting our issues our fear is truly hard. When we need to tell the truth we’ll often avoid sharing the whole truth, that will lead to us thinking that we got fooled, but that’s not the case.

They didn’t intend to trick us, it’s that their truth differs from ours. Their intentions and goals are not ours.

In a world full of lies it seems impossible to believe that nobody is lying, but that’s another thing to keep in mind. To understand the space between our desires, our goals, and the ones from the people around us.

This distance is something that creates beliefs, lies, illusions. Only by knowing that distance we can avoid the pitfalls of illusions

addiction to new

What happens when you do something new that you like?
You start doing it very often, you start mastering the skills, maybe you even find a community of enthusiasts to connect to.

Your mastery goes on and on, you’re better at the craft, you start buying things at medium-pro level.

Time passes, the passion won’t fade, you interact with the community, you show off your toolkit, people reply, you feel like you’re on the edge.

Then you see the shiny new tool, the new product, whatever. It feels like magic, you need to buy it.
From newbie, you’re soon into the pro level field, you’re buying almost high-level stuff. What 3 years ago felt like wasting money on an utility now it’s something you crave, you desire, you want.

People have more than you and you feel you’re missing all the nice things, your master _feels_ like it depends on those tools. Those tools will help you move even further into the craft, you end up buying them.

Then another new tool come along…

This is addiction. We may laugh at that, but it’s part of our human brain. It’s not nicotine based, it’s not drug related. It’s something our mind crave from time to time and we indulge into it.

If you look at this and think “Oh this doesn’t happen to me” then think twice. Think when you were a kid and the other kids had something you wanted. Think about giving up alcohol, coffe, sugar, sex, tv, facebook, netflix, amazo or smartphones for an entire year. Does at least one of them feel like asking too much?

Addiction is in our brain and we think it’s all about substances that create it, but no: addiction is everywhere.
It’s a social addiction, like the FOMO, fear of missing out, addiction is measuring who we are and what we need, with some kind of expectation we built up by comparison, a bad comparison.

That comparison is always uneven, because we will always find something new, something better, something else to crave. A new gin, a new razor, a new hookah, a new shoe, a new show.

How to stop then, how to step back?
Purposely do less, lower down yourself by one scale. If you’re addicted to amazon, allow only 1 or 2 items to be shipped next day, choose the slower shipping for the others.
If it’s buying new things, sell the old ones and keep only the latest. If it’s work, get out at 5pm each day.

We live in a world of abundance and from time to time we tend to forget that being modest is not a bad thing.

expression of emotions

Each one of us is different. When we experience an emotion we can show it, hide it, show it partially, write it about, share it on social.

It’s hard to know for sure which emotions are passing through the person you’re talking to.

But one thing is sure: We should learn about them more. We should learn to express them, to share them deeply with the people we love.
Too many times we’ve looked back and felt like a piece was missing.
That piece was always love.

personal benefit, global benefit

I’ve said it many times: having personal benefits deriving from an action (for example more money if we sell a specific product) will drive our actions toward that goal.

That’s what happens because we tend to focus on our short term benefit. To us it seems like a gain, but it doesn’t give us vision.

An example was a person I knew that was given the option to gain a % of money earned through the sales of new software.
Given this option what would you expect the outcome to be? The person did his best to get new customers, he got A LOT of them.

But he didn’t care about their renewals, so the customers he brought were only staying for a year because he’ll disappear from their lives soon thereafter.

I don’t think it was his fault only, but this example clarifies that if we only think about short term benefits, about our goals, we won’t be getting the full vision, the grand scheme of things.

Our benefit will also be our demise.

So what? I think we should care about our surroundings, about the people we have around, about the city we live in, about the local businesses we like.
We should fight for them, care for them. Think about them when making a choice, trading off for them.

We might not see an immediate result, and there’s no recipe for a guaranteed successful outcome, but at the same time we’re enriching our neighborhood, we’re improving the life around us.

Some people get it right away, think about Greta Thunberg.
Others get it while getting old. Maybe it’s fear of death, or maybe they realized that only by leaving the world (our job, our coworkers, our company, our friendships, our relations) a better place we can do something more valuable and meaningful.

Personal benefits are nice, they get you nice cars.
But in the end they won’t last, they won’t give back anything else, they won’t let your surroundings grow.

the hardest thing will always be listening

In a difficult conversation we will always battle to do what’s right. We will prefer trying to argue instead of understanding, trying to dismantle our enemy arguments instead of building a common ground where we can discuss.

That’s the hardest part, because when you’re arguing, listening, is what doesn’t come naturally. It takes discipline, trial and error, before you get todo it right.

years adds up

What happens when a friend make a move you don’t like? Should you shut down your friendship just because of that?

Some friendships last more than others, some are based on delicate foundations and easily fall apart.

It’s fine. We grow and change our view, what’s important for us, where we wanna go. It’s fine and it’s the beauty of life.

So what: if a friend cuts you off should you be mad? A little bit, but in the end if that is the resolution of a long friendship that slowly died then maybe it’s time to move on. Wish the best like you would do to a person you just met and go forward.

Life doesn’t trace a path for you, each path is fine as long as you’re both happy.

don’t be fooled by money

Meritocracy partly failed because in some instances it created a world where people look at how much money they can make “against” other people, instead of thinking on how they can contribute to the world.

Money hides the honesty and empathy, because it adds a benefit or a malus. And we’re always after money.

Money should be enough to think about making our damn good job, not less, not based on incentives.

rituals vs  habits

I once made a mistake, I used a word for something that wasn’t quite right for that word.
Imaging describing the Sky using the word “Red”. Yes, it’s a color, but it’s not quite right. You need the exact color. Any other color won’t do.

I remember when a person made me notice that “mantras” are something quite important. 
He lived in london, I lived in italy. We were chatting casually, but he posed an important aspect: I was abusing a word.
Repeating a phrase over and over seems like a mantra (because while using mantras you repeat words/vocals), but it’s not.

I also made another mistake: I described something along the lines of “Rituals of love”.
Today, while a friend described the ritual to put to sleep his baby I realized that we both abused the word Ritual.

It’s not a ritual, it’s a habit. It’s a mechanism to ensure a result. Seems like a ritual because rituals are made of repetitions, but it’s not.

As for the mantras, we were abusing a word, and we do it all the times. Our mind make connections between words, and if they create akin conditions, then we feel free to use the words without worrying too much.

But abusing words isn’t the right way. 
Too many times I felt that social networks are removing value and power from our words, and I must admit that we’re all guilty. It’s not the social network fault, it’s us. We misuse words. We abuse words. We don’t trust words enough and we use them without care, without attention, with no real knowledge.

Think more, talk less.

how many tags of today will be there tomorrow?

Will you still be #bestfriends? Will you still share #bestlife photos? Will you be the one tagged into #beaches #paradise #holidays?

10 years from now, will you still communicate this way?
And what will remain of these moments? How many tags will stand the test of time?

I guess tags are a way of partly reaffirming emotions and relationships, a way to establish a sense of belonging and even, for some people, a way to feel superior to others.

They’re limited though. If you consider the sea of emotions, of events in life, if you look at the endless horizons in the world: they can’t be expressed nor summarized.
What we can do is try to do our best to keep a memory.

Tags are partly a way to do it, but I personally prefer words. How would your life change if, instead of posting a photo of you and your sister with #bestsisters or #bestbrothers, you would say to her what you feel about your relation? How important it is.
What would change in your life if you made this conscious choice for each relation you feel “worth tagging”?

the creative state

A dear friend of mine can write some amazing speeches when almost drunk, but in a normal state he can’t get to that level.

I always said that it’s a matter of practice, diligence and so on, that we shouldn’t use this tricks to enhance our writing.
Looking back to these thoughs I must say that in 20 years I still agree with them, although now I would add a little bit more to the topic. 

My friend is right: When he drank an extra glass of good gin he writes way better. So, for him, he has his good reasoning behind those choices.
He definitely tried to write in a normal state and failed.
And I’m sure he didn’t try only once. He’s a stubborn guy. He tried many times.

How to move from this? Well, creativity can be guided as much as any skill in the world. What’s he missing then? He’s missing the link, the ignition, the element that make that creativity spark.

He can try to write, but what he’s really missing is how to enter the creative state.
Right now that creative state is based upon drinking.  

That is the first element, but I’m sure he also uses his drinking to get into a deeper emotional state, to let the social shields down, to not judge what he’s writing.

Those three additional elements are probably keys to his success. Drinking makes them surface easier and I’m sure that if we could work on these elements, he would be able to write amazing things without the need to drink.

Afterall our brains uses neural connections to learn. When we first learn guitar the finger movement is a new neural connection that the brain has yet to automate. Once we do it for many times the brain knows that, when we light up a specific neural starting point, we want to play a C-minor. 
While with the guitar we have a clear path in front of us, here with writing and emotions we have something radically different that doesn’t have a map.

That’s why we have to learn what makes us tick, what makes us enter into a creative state, and by triggering it more often we can eventually learn to summon that state when we need it.

%d bloggers like this: