the struggle is real

Our socials are a way to hide our struggles. The pretty faces, the smiles. They are like paintings, a moment in time, but they do not show our pain, our struggle with anything in life.

And we do struggle, each one of us, each day. That’s why a wise man says to always greet with a smile because you don’t know what battles the person you’re facing is fighting.

imposter syndrome

There’s a problem with hiring. We hire people for what we need now, but we should hire them for what we’ll need in 2 years.

Perspective is essential. That’s why so many people are caught up when facing a job interview with the imposter syndrome.

A perfect fit is rare, and the value we add as individuals can only be discovered once we’re tested for real.

performance is acceptance

We live in a performance based world. Your time is your first kpi for performance. If you are on time, if you deliver on time, then your performance is good. If you deliver early, then it’s exceptional.

You measure your performance by what you can do in a day, if you slack too much you’re wasting time, if you’re not completing any task, work or personal related, then you’re not having a good performance.

By the end of the day you can take a look at what you _accomplished_ as if your life was a predefined todo list and based on the number of checks you can easily determine if you were on track or not.

But life, the thing that’s larger than us, is not “performance based”. Life doesn’t check on us. People do, you do.

Work is performance based, we cannot escape that. We need to be in line with the expectations of our workplace, of our boss, of our customers.

Can we say the same for our life?

Today my wife was quite exhausted from the baby and the baby didn’t want to sleep.

So I took the baby and held her into my arms, then I started walking in almost circles in the same area.

She already slept a little bit but I was sure she needed more and so I started walking while holding her onto my breast.

After 15 minutes she started to fall asleep and I kept walking in circles. It was boring.
At one point I thought “Maybe I could sit down”.
But I knew. Sitting down would change the way she sleeps.

Why do I needed to sit down? To do something else, like checking facebook, reading, listening to a podcast.
Things I couldn’t do while holding her and walking unless I started listening before holding her.

Here’s the thing: Performance in life is about acceptance, not about how much you do.
We’re used to measuring it as a form of to do list based on our workplace, but life doesn’t care.

I accepted that walking in circles with my baby was the best I could do to help.
Yes _I_ wanted to listen to something, read something. But performance wise this was the absolute best and I was right.

She slept for almost an hour while I kept walking in circles in an absolutely stunningly boring way: Slow, relaxed, without the need to do something more, because I was already doing the best thing I could.

Acceptance sometimes means doing less. Acceptance means you need to compromise between your expectations.

Acceptance is vision, because the grand scheme is vastly superior to your individual need.

In that hour my wife slept, my baby slept, and they came back both relaxed and energized.

If I had sit down, I might have woke up the baby, neutralizing any sacrifice done before.

We’re bombarded by things we _should_ do. But we are not required to do them.

If we skip facebook, if we stop being continuously engaged and accept that our best performance might come from idle time, then maybe we’ll stop obsessing about what to do, and will start thinking about what’s best.

invisible work

Lately I’m mostly connecting the dots between people and it’s quite hard to measure and most importantly value my work.

It was easy when I was developing things, because organizing that kind of work is clearly visible.

But how can we value the invisible work?
And most importantly, how can we value the improvements over this kind of work?

I’m battled because I feel like this is entirely the result of soft skill, which directly means I’m not actually improving over other topics.

One might argue: Well, if you produce money, what’s the problem?
Well, to me the whole point is also to make something meaningful, also by abstracting from the developer mind I need to force myself to develop in the free time to keep my mind trained.

Also, a soft skill cannot be sold, while other things could, and that is a clear shortcoming isn’t it.

So, would that be valuable or not? hard to say right now

a child will change how you think

A child will make changes in how you think and imagine the world. What changes is not who you are, but how you weight things. What’s important and what’s not.

You’ll learn to give value to time, to not care if you spend time doing “useless” things, because in the end you’ll also see that “useless” can have so many meanings.

The bad things of a child is that nowadays you have it too late in life. We prioritize having fun as if travels are more important, but in the end you’ll see that what’s even funnier is the child itself. Nothing gets to that level. Because without a child it’s the world you need to see, with a child the world is already with you.
”Where” doesn’t matter anymore.

a shady action will always be shady

I am an optimistic person when it comes to trusting others. I always image there is a good reason for their actions and that they are moved by something they care about.

That’s why I always make mistakes when it comes to do shady things based on fear. I don’t usually do them by instinct, but if someone is asking for help and the shady thing to do is a honest one, I might join the cause.

In the end though, I always do some mistakes. I am a rookie at this, and will always pay for my mistakes. It’s the price to pay to take responsibility for what you do and I’m ok with that.
Each one of these errors, these missteps, have always taught me one thing.

Better to be fooled than to fool. Because I know that any scar on me can be cured, but the people I interact with might not be that lucky.

success is an internal state

I often see people try to impress others, because if they succeed they think they are better then the norm.

It’s not like they really think this, but it’s what moves their actions. They are moved by an implicit goal based on recognition, expectation, and goals.

If they fail, they’ll feel bad, as if they have not succeeded.

Success, like this example, is an internal state. If you need the concept of “Success” you’re likely to be in the same group of people that needs recognition of their work, their actions, and so on.

This will mine each and every goal of yours, because if you want to climb the Everest and you want to be recognized, you might take a detour to get more success, but the chances of getting to the top of the mountain might go down considerably .

So, which one you’ll prefer?

risk tolerance

Now that the coronavirus pandemic is starting to slow down in italy (we hope) we see the different approaches to risk of the people around us.

You might find people who simply don’t care, it’s all a lie.

People that will try to justify their behavior like they don’t think it’ll affect them, people that will put on face masks all the time.

It’s all about risk tolerance. How much a single error will impact your life in your expectations?

We think we’re immune, but we’re not. We all have different tolerance to risk.

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